The past couple of weeks have left my head spinning with very little to no time to process all that has deeply affected me.
From the tragic loss of the person (Naomi Judd) who cowrote and sang much of the soundtrack to my childhood, to the terrible nature of the leaked Supreme Court document which sent shockwaves felt by every queer person as the pre-quakes to a volcanic eruption, to a disgustingly discriminatory statement of terror put out by my alma mater. Not to mention things in my personal life and getting everything ready to launch my first novel in a few weeks – it’s too much.
As I started formulating this post, I heard a strange sound in my kitchen. After looking around for a few minutes, I finally figured out the strange sound was coming from a mostly empty jar of salsa on the counter. I twisted the lid open, and a hiss escaped along with all of the pressure that had been building – invisible pressure. All of that air in that mostly empty jar.
I swear it’s the perfect image for where I am now. Feeling mostly empty, but so full of pressure – it leaks out. It leaks out in keeping me awake or sleeping terribly with awful dreams. It leaks out in irritability, grinding my teeth, and physical issues and fibromyalgia flare ups.
But this morning, I decided I had to do something – so I ran. And some of that pressure left. I’m trying to lessen my time on social media, not scroll so much. I am reading “Creating True Peace” by Thich Nhat Hanh, and I’m recognizing how often social media waters the seeds of anger, worry, fear, and hatred in me. I would much rather water the seeds of love, peace, compassion, and goodness.
I also realize how all of this fits in with the story I am about to release, Broken to Belong. For the main character, Dani, she is also running on empty but full of pressure. Pressure from her past and all she’s experienced and lost– and pressure as she finds herself battling prejudices like what wounded her, and like what we are witnessing and experiencing now.
I’m reminded of why I wrote this story in the first place. It is the story of finding love and belonging, the story of forgiveness and boundaries, the story of advocacy and fighting injustice, and the story of finding courage and resilience in the midst of oppression and ugliness, hope in the middle of the longest night. This story is mine and so many others who have endured and worked and loved.
And good gosh, we need that kind of story right now.
For more information on Broken to Belong, including purchasing and preorder information, go visit my page dedicated to the book – Broken to Belong