Dear Taylor,

We don’t know each other. I’ve watched you from afar the past decade or so. I’ll admit, I didn’t even listen to your music much until 1989. (Which by the way – I love.) But this letter has nothing to do with your music, honestly.

I remember a few years back, seeing videos of you giving gifts to fans’ families. I was intrigued by your heart of giving and the clear joy you got out of helping others. I was moved when you helped pay for Ke$ha’s legal fees, when you stood up to your own assaulter, and when you put your money and words behind supporting LGBTQ rights, including in my home state of TN.

I watched your new video yesterday, “You Need to Calm Down.” What most made me want to watch it was my wife’s admission to me that she liked it. She isn’t exactly a Swiftie, but we are working on it. 😉

Anyway, I appreciated the message and the thought behind it. But I was disturbed by some of the reaction you have received. And I think so much of it is unfair.

I get it when some people say that the caricatures of the protesters in the video are unfair. Even though where I live, in North Georgia, and where many of my friends live throughout the south, they see that. I also think there was some symbolism there. Perhaps the message that true wealth is a life of openness and acceptance of others.  And hatred is a state of poverty. Or maybe I look into it too much?

What I don’t get is people complaining you are trying to get more queer fans or make money off of our community. I don’t see that at all. I mean, first off, like you need it… (eye roll) I also don’t see the argument that your video is how *not* to ally. I think you did the things we say we want allies to do – you used your position of influence and power to speak out against homophobia and hate. And you enlisted more people of influence to help. And then you took it two steps further to work toward increasing support for passing legislation to protect our community and raise money for GLAAD. 

I would dare say you did something else: whether it was intentional or not, you showed an upbeat positive depiction of queerness. And that’s not something we always get or can see for ourselves. I think of the 13 year old me in Southeast TN, grasping to anything I could find – which amounted to a whole lot of nothing for any representation much less a positive nod toward being gay.  Then I think of how a 13 year old LGBTQ kid in small town conservative-ville, USA might see your video and feel a little less alone, a little less afraid, and may even allow themselves to smile at their own identity. 

I’ve seen some journalists and bloggers say that your message isn’t relevant – but still being in the rural part of our country, I’ll say it absolutely does. We are at a terrible and disturbing moment in our country, and it isn’t uncommon for me to feel unsafe as a lesbian in the South. We’ve made much progress, yes, but we most keep moving and denying that hatred and bullshit still exists is just more bullshit. 

I want to say that so many people need to just calm down and take your video for what it is – a call for more allies. A call against homophobia and hatred. I don’t think you ever meant for it to be a queer anthem – the lyrics make that clear. It’s an ally song. 

Damn, you allies catch hell from our community sometimes, and I want to acknowledge that. Sometimes we need to calm down and drop the outrage culture complex so we can get outraged about what we really should be outraged about – our true enemies. And the literal killing of our trans women of color sisters and our LGBTQ siblings worldwide who wish they had the ability to complain about an ally music video. But instead worry for their lives. I don’t think it’s good to rage against the allies who are doing what they can in the way they can. 

Also, I mean – you sing pop music. So the complaints looking for more depth or less celebrity or less bubblegum might think about that for a sec. 

Anyway, I think you’re cool. I see you and acknowledge your personhood. You’re a person like the rest of us, and it’s becoming less common that we see people as people. But I see you.  I appreciate your allyship and willingness to take the heat from the haters and from those you are trying to deflect the hate from. So please, know some of us saw your video for what it was. Another nod that love wins, if we work for it together. 

In it together, 
Charity