LGBTQIA+ students on conservative Christian college campuses face a unique dynamic of discrimination and education experience. If you are in this group, you may be worried about being outed, humiliated, and facing disciplinary actions up to and including expulsion from your school. You may also feel alone. When I was a student at a conservative Christian university (Lee University), I felt incredibly alone. Even with my small network of support – there were times when the weight of the comments, the “debates” and classroom discussions around sexuality became too much to handle. Then there were the times derogatory slurs were yelled at me and when I was excluded from opportunities because of my personhood, and the constant worry of being kicked out loomed in my head.
There were a few things that helped me: affirmative therapy from a therapist in the LGBTQ+ community, friends who loved me well, time in nature, my music, my writing, and my spirituality.
Because my own alma mater is doubling down on its own policies and stance against us, I wanted to create this free guide to help you through your own experience. It’s meant to be a resource for you, but I also fully recognize that we all have our own individual needs. So take what is helpful for you, and leave the rest.
Christian Campus Survival Guide for Queer Students by Charity Muse
- Seek individual support. I highly encourage you to seek support at an individual level. I can’t tell you in enough words just how helpful therapy from another queer person was to me. My therapist helped me hold the tensions that I needed to, find ways to express my frustrations and longings, and provided me with a framework of navigating the world, and specifically the conservative religious world, as a queer and spiritual person. Whether you speak with an affirming therapist, an affirming minister, a coach, or a spiritual director – or even a mentor or trusted friend, this will be incredibly helpful to you.
- Seek community. Not only is individual support important – so is community. There is online support available, local affirming congregations which can be found via gaychurch.org or if you are in the Chattanooga/Cleveland, TN area – see the resources from Affirming Alum Collective, in addition to friend groups and support groups which may be offered locally or online. Community offers a different level of support that goes beyond affirmation into advocacy and friendship and oftentimes, a chance to connect with people who may be going through something similar to you or who have walked a similar path before. Having people in your life like this can help you to remember it will get better and also offer you a chance to be seen and heard.
- Do the things you enjoy and that connect you with your body. Spend time in nature, exercise, spend time with friends, laugh, drink coffee and eat good food, drink plenty of water, and be present within yourself. Connection with your body (being embodied) is an important way to reclaim yourself and to ensure that you feel connected within yourself.
- Express yourself through creativity. Play music, write, listen to music, dance, create visual art. Self expression through creativity gives you the chance to work through your emotions and tell your story using your voice, your mind, and your body. It offers an opportunity for you to be whole within yourself, without feeling the need to hide away, but also offers the chance for being cryptic if needed for your own safety and wellbeing.
- Know your limits. You don’t have to be the token LGBTQIA+ person in the room. You don’t have to bear the burden of educating others. You can point them to resources for their own knowledge and understanding. Protect your energy. You can say no and not participate in things that drain you. You can set firm boundaries with people who are not supportive to you.
- Nurture your spirit. Your spirituality and your sexuality and gender are not at odds with each other – no matter what anyone says. If you have spiritual practices or beliefs that are important to you, you can keep them. If you want to replace any, you can. If you want to add anything new or explore new spiritual paths, you can do that, too.
- Speak affirmingly to yourself. The way we talk to ourselves about ourselves (our self talk) matters. I can tell you from my own experiences with self talk to the work I’ve done as a therapist and a coach, that changing self talk can be transformative. Practice saying affirmations to yourself in the mirror or say them aloud alone in your car. However you choose to use them, practice them. Pay attention to what’s most helpful for you, and if you feel inspired, you can write your own. Here are some affirmations I have written specifically for LGBTQIA+ students at Christian colleges.
I am a beautiful work of art, the idea of being God’s beautiful work, still applies to me.
My heart and mind are wonderfully made. My mind, including my gender identity, is good and sacred.
No matter what the administration or policies say, my pronouns and name matter and are sacred.
There are people who love and support me and welcome all of me with open arms, even when I can’t see them.
I am worthy of respect, love, and full inclusion. This includes my relationships, my pronouns and name, and respect of my privacy and autonomy.
I am loved and cherished and held by God, whose existence isn’t binary.
The world is bigger than my university, and there are swells of people who support who I am and who I love.
My relationships are sacred and holy, no less than any others.
I have a purpose and a presence. Even if the weapon formed against me is misused scripture, misaligned community, or discrimination- it shall not prosper. And this is temporary.
I am going to experience so much good. There is so much more for me in this world. It will get better. I am so loved.
My existence is valid and sacred.
I (in all of my fullness) am valid and sacred.
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